Knives

I know I can not delete the affection you had for her
or remove the misery of loving her just before this summer.
I know I can not guarantee the feelings you are currently having
or assure myself that it is the truth you are withstanding.

But in spite the things I know, I'll keep holding on.
In spite the doubts, I'll risk it all.
They say "It's stupid", I say "I'm just happy"
They say "It's not worth it", I say "I'll just let it be"

About the end, I worry
but why face the future if today there is still me?
Who would want to get hurt sooner or later?
but I dont want to just let it go, give it up and take that forever.

If the time comes you choose her over me,
the time will also come that I will be free.
But if the time comes you choose me over her,
the time will also come I'll prove you that things will be better.

Mask Off

Lately, I’ve been worrying a lot about my future. I’ve also been worrying a lot about the facts of my present. I’m in doubt. Are all these present-day efforts and experiences enough for me to make it through the future I want to become?

I have faith in God but, obnoxiously speaking, I call for strength in order for me to have faith in myself. I just need a pocket-sized conviction; a voluminous assurance that I can do it.

How do you see me? Yes, you.
Do you see me as a woman of passion or a sappy girl with this lame blogger account?

My every word and my every action are the transparent reasons I could supply to people for them to calculate and compute me.

But knowing the answer is just my option. What really matters to me now is the criteria I want for myself. Am I almost there? Am I at the base of the pyramid? If yes, am I looking towards the apex of everything I wanted or just staring straight on this granular material everyone is stepping to? If no, where must I be?

And so I need my option.

I want to be a pre-school teacher or a college professor. I want to be an author, a writer, or a critique. I want to spend my time working for me to be able to provide my mom and my younger sister’s future with a two-bedroom condominium, a car and enough money to spend for what we really need.

But right now, I’m just an average 3rd year Psychology-major student-athlete amateurishly blogging, working hard, hoping and dreaming that one day, all these self-pity prisoned in a place called myself will zoom away.

What if.
But.


Fear.

Fly!

Fly
to me
for a shorter distance

Fly
above me
for a bigger dream

Fly
between life
for great sufferings

Fly
towards Him
for better flying

Sheet of Rain

It was sauna-like.

But suddenly, dark clouds appeared and it actually drizzled.

Initially I was like "damn it"

but then i just continued walking with my umbrella
and then I started to like whatever was going on.

Furthermore, I started to think things through.
You know, the personal issues that needed extra attention.

It was pretty emotional
but it was nice.

So life?
I don't know.

It's hard but I have a lot of reasons to smile. :)

Magic!

When I was around 9 years old, my mom told me something about the Bible.

“Do you know that this book has magic?” She said to me as she picked the book from her lap.

I didn’t say a word but, based on my facial expression, I knew she felt the question “How?”

She answered and demonstrated: “Before you open this book and read something on it, you have to talk to God first. The things you’re going to say to Him will probably include how thankful you are for things, how sorry you are for mistakes, and/or how you like your aspirations to happen. Then you just open the book without planning out the page or the chapter you’re gonna read on.

You just open it. You just read whatever is there. And then what you read is God’s reply to you. That is the magic.”

“I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”
- Mark 11:22-24 NIV

Yes, you.

Not because I'm not texting you
doesn't mean I don't remember.

Not because I don't talk to you
doesn't mean I don't miss you.

Not because I can't see you
doesn't mean I like it that way.

And not because I can't have a way
doesn't mean I didn't try to find one.

I am writing this because you've
been part of one of my thoughts.

I miss you.
Yes, you.